The Misadventures of a Quirky Redhead

 

Jul 7, 2006
Not this shit again.

I'm beginning to really have doubts about a relationship I felt so sure of in my heart. This boy, says that he loves me...yet I feel like he's not giving 100% of himself to "us." I really don't think he's ready for me, and I'm not sure if he ever will be. It hurts me everyday to not know where I stand with him...whether today he'll talk about our future or avoid the subject completely whenever I bring it up. He says I shouldn't feel sad about his unsure attitude, but how can I not? There are enough things uncertain about my life...I don't want to add the balance of our relationship onto the uncertainly scale...cause I think it would tip over and then I'd really be emotionally fucked. I hate to say it, but if this doesn't work out I'm afraid I'm just going to be numb and give up on my idealistic love morals. Its not worth getting my heart crushed again and again and pushed back at me...unwanted, unloved. I'm tired of being good all the time, cause it never gets me anywhere but dumped. And alone in my bed, crying myself to sleep at night. I'm tired of aching and tossing in bed every night. I just want to sleep sound with the reassurance that the man I love returns my feelings with the same strength...and I don't think that's too much to ask for.

I also find it a bit odd that the boy who loves me stills writes about his ex in his livejournal, but has never once discussed me or what I mean to him. I have nothing against soul searching and writing about past relationships...but shouldn't the future and the present be included too? Maybe I'm just paranoid, maybe I'm still feeilng the burn of past relationship blues...whatever it is my soul is restless and angry at me. Angry at me for allowing myself to be vulnerable again when it senses that I'm being set up for the big fall. All I know is that I'm sick of feeling cast aside ....He needs to show he loves me or just leave me the fuck alone. Cause I'm worth being loved by a man who knows that I am right for him...that knows that even though he may not have everything in his future planned out, he knows that I'll be there by his side to help him.

If I can't have true love, I guess I'm just gonna have to take what I can get. And that really frightens me, but with the way my love life is steering I feel that may be my only option.



Currently listening to:
Mother Love Bone
By Mother Love Bone



 [Kristy] struck a pose @ 02:32 am
 

Friday
July 10, 2006   04:05 PM PDT
 
Hi. I followed Miss Tay's link to Vintage Rock and then clicked through to your personal blob.

I just wanted to offer a little bit of wisdom that my mother instilled in me years ago. It has served me well in all my relationships. "If you're giving your best and your best isn't good enough then you're giving your best to the wrong person." I hate to admit it but years later I realized that she was right.

I'd like to tell you that what you yearn for does exist. I encourage you to hold on to hope that it will happen one day -- if not with your current beau then the next or the next. No woman should ever have to "just settle". It took me many years to find the love of my life but I did finally find him. And when I did I realized that I had to go through every single jackass I dated (or worse married) in order to be who I am today -- the one who is loved back as much as I love.

As women we are all brilliant with much to offer. Please don't ever let anyone stifle your spirit or rob you of your dreams. On the other side of romantic disasters is, ultimately, the person you're intended to be with -- who will love you as you love.

I'm sorry to have left such a long comment but this topic really sets me off. Men should give their women respect, comfort, security and love. You deserve to be cherished, nothing less.

I truly hope it works out for you. Keep the faith.
 

Leave a Comment:

Name


Homepage (optional)


Comments





  Google Modules
 




So shall we rebell against gender stereotypes....I will not be another fairy-tale martyr on this yellow brick road to nowhere. I will carve my own path, chiseling my way with bobby pins and whale-bone corsets.

YOU CAN'T STRAP ME IN AND TELL ME TO LIE DOWN IN THE BED SOCIETY MADE FOR ME.


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


mesothelioma




Evocative Sites

Kwaya Na Kisser
Brianna's Live Journal
John's Thoughts and Stuff
Vintage Rock
Hips, Lips, and Tits: Its Bettie Page
Worth 1000 (Fun with Photoshop)
Pitchfork
Fametracker
Hold Your Light
Wailful Rhyme




Current Album: Pussy Whipped by Bikini Kill *1993*



Currently Reading: Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins




Music: Top Ten

.Melody.

<< July 2006 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
 01
02 03 04 05 06 07 08
09 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31



Contact Me
If you want to be updated on this weblog Enter your email here:


RSS Atom
rss feed

.linkage.


Vontage
BlogSkins
BLOGDRIVE
TEMPLATES

Guitar - BlogSkins