Jul 12, 2006
gotta let life steer me onto the correct path
I think the whole problem I'm having right now is that I take things WAY too seriously sometimes. Life leads me into certain situations and then I take a microscope and try to closely examine them. After I've asessed the situation, I then beat everything into submission because I hate feeling like I'm not in complete control of my life. Its scary just leaving some things up to chance, and so instead of live with that uncertainity I make people adhere to my visions of the future or I cut them out of my life.
And that's not right, nor is it effective in getting me what I want. I think the more I try to hold on, the more they struggle to get free. No one wants to be pressured into making life changing choices, and I always seem to get involved with guys who are unsure of what they want. The man I love now is worth being patient for. He's been hurt ALOT and is having a hard time coping with the end of his last relationship in particular. He was going to ask her to marry him for heaven's sake, so yeah...its going to take a long time for him to completely get over that. I can say I've never been in a relationship that serious, so I really don't understand exactly what he's going through.
But I do think there is a reason we met, and get on so well. Yes, we are going to have to make some decisions, but those decisions don't have to be made on a certain schedule. We'll just work on building our relationship, and see where things lead from there. And I promise I'll put the mircscope away and just look into his eyes for the answers I need. That will tell me far more than any speculation of mine.
Currently listening to:
By Stiff Little Fingers
[Kristy] struck a pose @ 03:37 am
Kwaya Na Kisser
Brianna's Live Journal
John's Thoughts and Stuff
Hips, Lips, and Tits: Its Bettie Page
Worth 1000 (Fun with Photoshop)
Hold Your Light
Current Album: Pussy Whipped by Bikini Kill *1993*
Currently Reading: Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins